Your Relationship, Your Decisions

Actress Judy Greer, right, always plays the friend who gives the lead character unwanted relationship advice in films.

A week or two ago, one of my friends asked me if I thought it was inappropriate for her to be spending pretty much all her time at her boyfriend's house when she's got an apartment of her own. Honestly, I wouldn't do it for two reasons: I'm not paying hundreds of dollars a month for a place I barely go to and in a serious, long-term relationship I'd rather enjoy my independence now in case it ended in marriage. If I could be with someone forever, why does it have to start immediately?

But that's my opinion and it's obviously not how she feels, otherwise she'd be spending at least three nights a week at her own place. Plus, she'd probably get married tomorrow if she could and I can't even imagine myself walking down an aisle in the next four years (maybe more).

Did I mention that I'm happily single right now? So why I'd be asked for relationship advice is a bit of a mystery to me.

Relationships can fail when you've got too many passengers aboard the ship. When you're asking people about every argument and seeking advice for every new decision from outside sources. If you're soliciting advice for small things, what happens when you have bigger issues? Will you always have someone in your ear telling you what to do? If your boyfriend of ten years decides he hates kids and never wants them or the guy you've been dating for six months asks you to move in with him, what you do in those situations should be up to you.

Don't worry about what people will think. You don't want to live with regrets because you listened to someone else's advice instead of following your own gut. If your decision is a complete bust, at least it was your decision.

If you need to run it by someone, pick a friend who has no agenda. My friends usually come to me for advice because I really just assess the situation and lay our the pros/cons. I don't usually take a stance or say something's right or wrong because it's really not my business.

But if you're going to anyone about romantic concerns, it should really be your significant other. From what I can tell my friend's boyfriend loves having her around all the time, but how would she know? She asked me, not him.

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